Why do I live here again?

In the two years I've lived here.


Insects I have discovered in my bathroom as I'm nekkid, just about to step into the shower:

• Little huntsman.
• Giant huntsman.
• Not-as-giant huntsman.
• Those little buzzy black water bug things x a million, at least.
• A grasshopper (how the fuck does a grasshopper end up in a second story apartment?).

Amount of other unwanted things, alive and otherwise:

• Dust storm.
• Big-arse bee.
• Senor Social Mousy.
• Senor Speed Mousy.
• Southern Cross spider x2 in driveway.
• Wasp nest next to neighbour's door (that he for some reason can't be bothered to report, just complains about the wasps?).
• Blowfly.
• Cockroaches. Everywhere.
• Leaky bedroom roof.
• Beeping smoke detector in stairwell.
• Very loud Mariah Cary fan for a downstairs neighbour. Who likes to sing along. Poorly.
• Neighbour who thinks the most suitable time to listen to techno or the same song on repeat is 11pm-2am Sunday to Wednesday nights. Cranked to 11, of course.
• Down-the-streeters who seem to need the cops to visit once a month.

There's also the primary school kid in the unit block across the road who's learning the violin, but he's not so unwanted. He plays pieces from Pride and Prejudice as I'm watching the movie and he's fucking rocking that thing, if I knew which one he was I'd high-five him.


I suppose the old dudes who live directly across the road from me who sit on their balcony so they can watch me walking around in the nudd are a bit unwanted. I guess. Ha ha. My theory is it's not flashing if no one's looking, and I'm in my house and no one said I must have curtains. Plus, they are looking at me. If they choose to watch a fat chick slouching around or cooking, that's their deal.


Oh, most unwanted thing of all? The effing crows at the train station every morning. There's only three or so of them, but they are massive, and birds tend to freak me out anyways. You've seen The Birds, right? The scene where she's in the phone booth and the birds are using their beaks like spears? My. Fucking. Nightmare. I know it's completely unrealistic, they're more likely to try to rip my hair out or go for my eyes if they were in a gougey mood, but still. Did you know crows can hold a grudge, too? Fuck. There's a reason they're called a murder. They are kinda majestic looking thought, these ones are super glossy and proud looking. They tend to fly around the concorse on my side of the station, lucky us. The other day, one was flying right at me and I was trying to not flinch like a knob-end but I did anyways. I always do with birds, regardless of species. It landed ages away from me on the outside of the bridge thing, at least 6 feet away from me. Still freaked me out.


You should see me with the seagulls at Circular Quay on my lunch break. Those ones will steal the food from in your mouth, no hesitations. I've seen it, the tourists just sit their dumbfounded when it happens. I'm a twitchy mess by the time I'm back at the office. Luckily, they have a preference for Maccas, which I never ate even when I was a meateater, so they've left me alone but they still flock at you.



There is no stopping myself from feeling this

And I think it's coming through the air, it torments me.

I try to move that dial and change this frequency

Everywhere that I go misery will follow

It won't let me go, it won't let go.

I keep fading into you, drowning in your darkest blue

Lostprophets - Darkest Blue