this is a rant about periods

So I’ve spent most of my public holiday today writhing in pain for no other reason then I am a female of childbearing age who is not currently bearing a child and my uterus hates me for it.

Does that seem like a raw deal to anyone else?

You’d think, with all our modern medicine and abilities to put people on the moon and whatnot, that they should have devised some sort of system where, when the girl is 13 she can opt to have her uterus taken out and given back to her at a time when she is:
A - not going to end up on 16 and Pregnant or whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com
B - not going to abuse it by letting any so-and-so stick his bits and batter in it,
C - so we don’t waste hundreds of dollars a year accommodating actions we don’t even want our bodies to take, and
D – so we’re not all raging hellmonkies once a month due to chemical reactions beyond our control

Just think: no BC, no tampons, no pads, no cups, no implants, no condoms (to a degree, obviously if you have a disease you’re condom-bound), until you’re actually ready to start using it for what it’s made for - babycooking. It’d be awesome. It’s probably healthier too, I’ve heard serval times on various programs that girls these days are starting their periods earlier and starting childbearing later so we’re having more cycles then is really necessarily, which is why BC is being made that can stop your periods all together without it being raged and ranted about being unhealthy.

This makes sense as, if you think back to, like, Jane Austen time, you started your period when you were 13, you were married off by the time you were 20 (at the latest, oh the shame to be older!) and were expected to start babybaking straight away, then you’d hit menopause by the time you were what, 40 IF you even made it to that age. Compare this with now days, where it’s not unusual to start your period before you’ve finished primary school, but where we’re now leaving babymaking til we’re 30 as we’re career conscious, so we don’t hit menopause until something like 60-70. That’s a lot of bleeding.

Anyways, I went into this rant and started working out the math of how much I spend a month on my period, but it was getting too complicated so here’s a short version. It’s about $15 per period, but I’m not on birth control pills, nor currently needing to regularly purchase condoms so I’m not a great example. Even still, this ends up being $180 a year, I’ve been getting my period for 10 years now, so that’s $1800 on pads, liners and tampons. Then there was the Implanon ($45) and the short while I was on the Pill ($60 per month and I think I was on it for three months) which brings us to $2025 without taking into account condoms, or the fact that when I was on the Implanon it actually gave me my period everyday instead of stopping it (which is a very effective form of birth control if your boyfriend doesn’t do period sex and it also kills off all sex drive you may have possessed, as in my case).

So there’s all this and I still haven’t decided if I even want to have biological children. I’ve wanted to adopt since I can remember but haven’t 100% decided against having my own babies or wanting to have babies as a surrogate, but once I do I’m totally taking my babymaking bits out and donating them to someone who’s infertile or IVF isn’t working for. Anyone who my healthy bits can help make happy, same way that I’ll donate whatever I have that’s in good enough shape to be used when I’m dead. If I’m not using it, I’m not going to miss it (totally understand that people don’t have the same view and do not judge either way based on that FYI) and if it can make someone else’s life easier, then yay.

do you ever have those days where you just want to smack life in the mouth

it's been one of those days today. one thing early in the morning gets royally screwed around with, and it fucks up my schedule for the rest of the day - the one day where i HAD actually gotten my schedule together so everything would be done and on time.


I'd go into massive rant mode, but none of you will know what i'm talking about so here's the lots of blunt sentences version.


Elise's guide to good business: - if you work for a provider of databases and are going to be hosting a demo via webex and conference call:

• if this is the third time you'd rebooked this 2.5hr session in a two week period, suck up. these people are started to get sick of you dicking them around


• send through the log in details for the webex to attendees before hand so they can download all the 30million add-ons and test the link works, rather then have the first 15 minutes of the meeting spent with their IT guy running from office to office sorting it out.


• turn up on time. if unable to turn up on time, fucking TELL SOMEONE. don't leave the entire staff of the people you're presenting to just sitting around. for 45 minutes. and then still not have your shit together when you arrive. we're consultants - time is money. that 45 minutes we just spent waiting was 100 billable dollars of my time, and I am the cheapest fee'd person at this table!


• if you're doing the demonstration via concall - have a fucking concall facility set up. don't be surprised that "oh, people need to be called in?" moron.


• after effectively wasting two hours of our time only to say it's not going to work now, rebook again for that afternoon - we're all actually quite busy and you've lost your attention priviledges for today.


• if you do rebook for that day - don't make it the last working our of the day - why did the 2.5hr session suddenly become do-able in an hour, at 4pm on Friday? we have actual client stuff to do before the weekend, not that it matter to you


• if you do happen to book at the above timeslot on a Friday, make it worthourfuckingwhile


• don't waffle on. for an hour and 45 minutes. some of us wanted to go home at some point today.


• have better answers then "that function is not avaliable in the new system". yes we fucking noticed, hense why we're asking if it CAN BE ADDED.

now don't get me wrong, the system we were discussing is great and the support team are marvellous. but this dude, today... painful. i haven't dealt with him much so i don't know if he's always like this. but if he is... i'm meant to be the system's power user for our company. i may have to power-use a drill to my fucking temple.

Ren and I ares funnies

Botexty : i don't wish to alarm you, but i have chocolate here that tells me it wants to be inside you

Renata : oh

Renata : oh dear

Renata : thats a little violent

Botexty : i think it means it more sexually then violently

Renata : oh.. oooh..

Botexty : it's not sharpening any blades or weilding flame throwers

Botexty : so i think you're safe in that regard

Renata : well thats reassuring given the area it wants to be in

Botexty : yes, you shall live to see another day

Renata : yay

Renata : well im afraid chocolate is going to have to wait til another day to violat eme too

Renata : violate*

Botexty : oh it won't like that

Renata : we shall have to schedule ren-ellie-chocolate time

Botexty : i think it really wanted to be inside you today

Renata : chocolate has time to do its research

Renata : find out all the moves i like

Botexty : hmm, might be a good idea, i think it was planning to just dazzle you with it's good looks

Botexty : (but just between me and you, it's lacking a little in substence)

Botexty : but you never know, it might be a tasty little number, i wouldn't know, i don't dabble with another woman's chocolate

Renata : haha

Renata : nono its totally unacceptable

Renata : i hear you can get stoned to death for such acts

Botexty : and we know i don't get stoned either!

Botexty : lose-lose

Renata : drats!

Renata : it seems counterproductive anyway

Renata : cause itd just make you REALLY want the chocolate then

Botexty : hmmm i think you're lucky this chocolate is the "but i'm beautiful!" stubborn type, otherwise it mighten hang around

Botexty : with these little games you're playing, accidence happens

Botexty : but its a play it mean, keep it keen type of chocolate

Botexty : the saucy little muppet

Renata : haha

Renata : you have really given this chocolate character

Botexty : this is what living alone does to a girl, all inanimate objects end up with personalities

Botexty : you should hear what the kitchen sink says to me, it's so cruel

Botexty : strangly enough (cos we WEREN'T strange enough just yet) the only thing that immidiately pops to mind as not having a personality is my vibes

Botexty : what the fuck does that say about me

Renata : haha

Renata : its prolly for the best

Renata : cause its one of those things thatd be weird if it did

Botexty : they know far too much

Renata : indeed

Renata : and you dont want a fixed personality for your vibe

Renata : what if youre not looking for that kinda guy at that time

Botexty : well one has a name

Renata : flexibility is key

Botexty : the others don't, but one does

Botexty : haha my least favourite one has a name, haha

Botexty : oh man

Botexty : i need a life

Botexty : with a real life man in it

Botexty : or just a life, lets not push it

Renata : i have a real life man, it doesnt make me any less crazy than you

Renata : i think the crazy is just a set thing

Renata : no getting aroundit

Botexty : i think i'm a little less crazy then you

Renata : haha

Renata : is that so

Botexty : i tried to message you earlier but it didn't send for some reason

Renata : hmn odd

Botexty : i was seeing stingrays in my tongue

Botexty : like when i twisted it with the jewelry

Botexty : and i wanted to show you

Botexty : but it rejected

Renata : silly phone

Renata : stingrays are kinda cute

Renata : in a lethal way

Botexty : stingrays/slates and dugongs are my favourite wet animals :D

Renata : teehee

Renata : dugongs

Renata : they have funny faces

Renata : they look a little genital

Botexty : they're all dopey lookin

Botexty : just wanna cuddle em!!

Renata : theyre all nomnom lettuce

Renata : anyway

Renata : i must do stuffs

Renata : you are far too distracting

Botexty : they go crazy for lettus!

Botexty : so cute

Botexty : and yes i know i am, and resistence is futile

Botexty : so quit your bitching

Botexty : and come hug me

Botexty : i'll even show you my new bras for you to grope me through

Botexty : they're all soft, so the groping will be extra comfy

Renata : haha

Renata : youre so considerate

Renata : wouldnt want to hurt my hands

Botexty : and my boobs are quite jiggly today, i think its the combo of lowcut top and soft cup bra

Botexty : i was like hauling my shopping home, semi-mesmerised by my own cleavage jiggle

Botexty : it's a bit of a bother, i'll walk out into traffic one day

Botexty : the combinatrion of cleavage, jiggle and the sun reflecting off the paleness - i won't stand a chance!

Botexty : my chest is a safety hazard

Botexty : it should come with stickers declaring so

Renata : it sure is, the RTA is starting a warning campaign as we speak

Renata : anyway i really must go

Renata : i need to restart my laptop for one

Renata : cause its shitting its pants

Renata : but then i need to do thingsss

Botexty : :(

Renata : tooderrooo

Botexty : byess

can't cook, still fat

I legit need a boyfriend/housemate/someone I can pay in hugs who can cook.
I make such ghetto meals.
Like right now, I'm making rice.
Just plain brown rice.
Which I've already almost had a catastrophe with as I forgot that I was using my half measure cup to add the water so only put in like half the required amount.
This was after thinking three times "gees, there's not a lot of water in there. I hope it doesn't burn to the bottom of the saucepan."
Man. I am an idiot.
But yeah, making rice.
And you know what I'm going to do to turn that rice into a meal?
A 9pm at night meal?
I'm going to add a sachet of fucking mango chicken paste to it.
Yep.
Rice and sauce.

Just fucking call me Nigella.


HOLD UP!
Totally found a bag of frozen peas and corn in the freezer.
Better believe they're headed into the pot too.
Now it has three colours, totally counts as a complete meal.

NOW call me Nigella.


I totally just scolded my mouth on the first spoonful.
Seriously, who put me in charge of my own survival?

falling down the rabbit hole

Oh man, I slept for sooo long today. I didn't get out of bed until like 5:30 this afternoon, and it's okay cos I have another three days before I have to go back to work. Love it.

I hate that I waste at least one day every weekend sleeping, but I have to do it otherwise I'm like a zombie 24/7. Whatever, not like I really have anything better to be doing right now anyways.

I need to go to Polymorph and get the shorter stems for my tongue bars, I keep getting stuck when I stick my tongue out and can't get the bottom discs back over my teeth and into my mouth. That sounds totally retarded, but it's true, I have to flick them back in, I can't even just wiggle my tongue around. Funny, but annoying.

I also realised this morning that my branding is over six months old now. Most of the scarring is flat now, except where I must have scratched it more when it was initially healing and it's bubbled up. I've worked out that the colder I am, the purpler the scaring goes, otherwise it's a light beige and when I'm toastywarm, it's pretty much invisible. The bubbles are only about a centimeter long, but they're quite pronounced, so the contrast against the other 90% of the design is really noticeable. The bubbles look really ugly when I'm cold and they're like red clot-looking things as they're quite thick and the raisedness makes them look thicker then the rest of the lines in the design. Some of the tail on my left arm has bubbled in a nice way and stain quite streamline with the flat sections, don't ask me why but I always think of it as looking like a train tunnel - sort of a tube-y looking shape.

I really would have liked for the whole design to have raised up, I mean, I don't mind the way that it looks now and the inconsistancy doesn't bother me as much as I would have expected, but I was kind of hoping it would be like embossing haha. Oh well, at least I know for next time to not be shy and aggrivate the crap out of it. If there is a next time. There probably will be.



Work is kind of a trainwreak at the moment. Not so much bad but it's intense. I was working on Monday from 2am til 5pm and I still didn't get everything I needed done, and on Thursday I slipped more time then I was physically in the office and I still have shit to do as soon as I get in on Tuesday. I'll probably do some work from home, I can't stand having things on my mind.

I've been writing/designing eDMs (electronic direct mail, aka bulk emails for those not in the know, usually event invites, links to downloadable papers, or product information) like an hour before they've had to be blasted because the clients don't seem to appreciate the fact that emails need to be tested before we send them to your 1000 contact list so no, having edits to the copy just before we were ready to go doesn't mean we can still send it out at the agreed time.

I've met two new clients in a week (which is always interesting as you can see the flash of "oh holy shit" in their eyes when they meet me. Most of our clients have offices in the North Shore - they're not used to working with someone who looks like me) to present work which is only my work.

On top of all my own work crap, our receptionist is leaving at the end of this week and no one has really applied for the job so we haven't trained anyone, so it may fall back onto me to either cover reception again or to train up the new person. I really don't have the time to do either of those! Fuckity fuck fuck I'm just living in denial, one because I really don't want Abby to leave, it makes me sad every time I think about it, and two because I don't want to think about how shit it's going to be having to go through the torture which is training a receptionist.

I think people underestimate reception, it requires a lot more skill then people think. There's more then just answering phone, setting up refreshments for meetings and looking pretty (while all those things are important - except looking pretty, I got through 4 years of receptioning without that). You got to be perky even when all you want to do is curl up and die, whether from hangover, period cramps, broken hearts or from someone else thinking you're inferior for being the receptionist. You've got to be able to look at all insignificant tasks you've been given as the single most important thing you're going to do today and execute it exactly, even if it's something as simple as cutting something out (the amount of times people praised me for being able to cut in a straight line was dumbfounding, what were the other girls doing??). You've got to love your work or you'll end up sucidal as you get next to no praise for anything. You've got to have a strong sense of self and be confident enough to either ask for help if you don't know what you're doing or to run with it even if what someone's asked you to do doesn't make sense. And you've got to sound good on the phone (apparently this is my personal best - I've been told I should work for sex lines).

A lot of the girls I interviewed to replace me six months ago were absolutely positively hopeless. One girl came in who didn't have access to the internet so had no idea about what either of our companies do (which is a pretty basic no-no for job interviews one would think, why would you apply somewhere without knowing what they did or what they stood for?). Another girl was so nervous she was aggressive towards me (that'll win me over) or wouldn't say anything without a yes or no answer. Others were just straight up dumb. All this said, I am like THE worst person for interviewing and training. Ergh. Seriously, this will be torture.

All this said and done, I am currently up for my two year review so who knows, they might fire me next week and I'll have bigger things to worry about. Nah, they wouldn't. I know too much and it'd take to long to train someone else up on it. I hope. Man, I don't think they'd fire me. Mum and I always joke that'd it be super awkward if they did because Mum's the finance manager so she'd be the first person to know (to work out my dismissal wages etc) and she wouldn't be allowed to tell me.



What else is going on.

Oh I'm ready for a boyfriend again whenever the universe feels like throwing one at me.



Oh oh oh I had the most horrible dream last weekend - the type that you wake up in shock and actually burst out crying periodically for the rest of the day. I blame my overies as my period was over a week late so all my estrogen must have been fucking with my brain as I usually PMS pretty badly but I've never felt this upset before. It was 100% unadulterated meloncolly. Over a dream. I've c&p'd this from MSN where I was telling Ren.

the floods are coming and we're driving around in a van with me as like a 10 year old, three dogs and mum and dad drivng (not my real family, the people I dream of never actually are/look like the people they are) the mountain on the way to woollengong and you know there’s basin view you get of the city and the water when you're going around the mountain. the basin was half flooded and it looked so peaceful. but then we were in traffic and people were just wondering the streets scavenging from each other's houses, this dude in a black trench was like pinching peoples umbrella cos it was raining and his broke in the wind.

then we ended up on what must have been our property and it was like dust and sand, with like scrap metal everywhere and i found (you're gonna laugh) a baby hippocheater - looked like a hippo with like trunk legs and a cute round head and it acted like a puppy. i was automatically in love with it so i'm like "can i keep it, daddy i really want a pet" i'm saying this to mum who is in this steel cage thing, like the old school elevators that were only cages
but it was just there, there was no supporting structure or reason for it, it was just there in the sand and we were all piling into it, maybe there was a trapdoor or something i dunno.

but yeah, i say that and turn to look at dad and all i see is like (i dream like movies) a close up of the end of a rifle and the bullet coming out and the bloodmist splashback from where he's just shot one of our three dogs in the head.

i guess while i was talking to mum and playing with the hippo, dad's chained the 3 dogs and the hippo together and then to a fence and he just starts popping them off. so then all i can do is like scream and i'm yelling "you don't have to do this, animals did fine before humans came along" but he shoots them all anyways. then i'm just letting out one massive scream while he shoots the other two dogs and hippocheater until i run out of breath in my dream and wake up shocked in real life, then burst into tears.

aww *hugs* silly ellie, twas a dream

yeh but he shot all my babies

:(

i wish i could draw so i could show you the hippocheater, it was so cute
it was only like knee height, it had a kind of like a war-helmet shaped head, you know the really domed one with the bill all the way around.

and it had skin like a sting ray and massive eyes right on top. it was kind of cartoon-y. i know where some parts of the dream come from, like hippo was cos i was meant to go to the zoo today and the only thing i wanted to see were the hippos and having a stringray skin is because i was excited for the stingrays at the aquarium last weekend. "daddy i want a pet" is pretty obvious, i've been talking for months trying to work out a pet i can get.


So then we started looking at one of the local council shelter website and now I really want a pet. probably a cat, but like a really old one who's not all OMG PLAY WITH ME ALL THE TIME NO SLEEPING and also an inside cat simply because my flat doesn't have a way for kitty to get themselves in and out so they'd either be locked out from 7am in the morning until as late as 9pm (when I get home from Tafe) or they'd be locked in all day and probably piss everywhere with bordom. I reckon I'd like an old one too, more chilled out and congusive to cuddles. There's a few there that I wouldn't mind but I'd obviously have to seriouslly make up my mind as to whether I think I could care for an animal. I like how Ginger is all mottel and ginger, and how JoJo is basically a lunchbox - check out how cube-y he is! Oh he's got such a nice face thought, but he's only two so will probably want to ruin all my belongings. The one I liked the most isn't on the website anymore. Hope he adopted as opposed to put down, he was about 12 :( I like Mystic cos she's so damn white, but she's too young.

I think that's all from me for now. Its 1am so I should go to bed but I'm not really tired since I got up so late haha. Oh well.