Help please, now getting quite concerned

This was my leg today at 6am, 1pm and 9:30pm. It actually doesn't hurt at much today, but it is itchy and the rash is evidentially spreading. Any advise welcome.

Self-satisfying 'new tattoo is ouch' post

I am in so much pain right now.

Oh I know what you're thinking. You're thinking

"Well, lets look at the facts, Elise. You finished off your new tattoo on Thursday night, thats two days before yesterday. A needle was dragged across your skin a bajillion times a minute (yes, I counted), causing you to swell practically instantaneously. Let's also not over look the fact that the incomplete part of the tattoo was only done the Friday before, so wasn't healed even a whole week yet. So yes, I imaging you are in pain right now, quite a bit."

First off, fuck you.

Second off, yeah okay.

But this is more then just "oh woe is I, but look at my sick tatt". This is "I actually struggled putting on underwear this morning because I couldn't raise my leg high enough to get my foot through without feeling the flesh pull" (true story, had to do this squat-and-lasso method). I have aches up and down my back, the part where my spine joins my head is throbbing and I've been forcing myself to stay awake since before 6pm.

Now some of this I am putting down to that I'm supposed to start my period soon, which by the way, why have I started getting heinous PMS symptoms again recently? But seriously? This is on a par with when I had just finished getting my branding done. I'm tired, sore, cranky, most leg movement canes and the tattoo is all scabby so I can't even say "at least it looks pretty" to get me through. I'm actually taking panadol, which I never do unless I have a migraine.

But at least it looked pretty and it will look pretty again soon. Two weeks, Elise, two weeks.

April 2011 - The month I would rather forget

Well hello there, long time no blog. Sorry about that, but life has seriously kick the wind out of me over the last few months. Here's a recap of what was possibly the worst month of my short life:

Below is a short calendar on what was happening during this time, keep reading for the rest.

Frocking out this Frocktober!

Donate to Frocktober and help raise money for ovarian cancer research http://www.everydayhero.com.au/elise_campbell_4

So wearing a dress everyday for a month might not sound like much of a challenge for most women, but for me it's going to be interesting.

I've had an on-off relationship with dresses throughout my life. When I was little, I refused to wear anything but dresses and my mother and nan used to make me a new stylish number every so often to go with my frilly socks and golden hair.

Then, somewhere around primary school, the wind changed, I turned tomboy and I refused to ever where a dress. Ever. Just was not going to happen, and if it did, there was bike shorts to the knees poking out the bottom to ruin the look. I owned a part of skorts as a compromise.

The dress-free zone has been pretty firmly established with me since then, out of habit if nothing else. Pants are just so convenient, especially for those of us who tend to fall down a lot (hello knickers!) and can't ever seem to remember to shave your legs while a razor is at hand.

So a dress (or skirt) a day for a month is an interesting concept for me. I'm interested to see if I can do it - I already know I don't own enough dresses to get through an entire week. I hate shopping, but not sure if my employers will embrace the nude work week.

So here's to re-engaging my femininity (eek?), putting the pants away with the winter blankets, and raising money for a great cause. I'm going to try to take a photo a day and upload them here at least once a week.

There you go, I've said it out loud, now I have to make it happen. Wish me luck!

formspring.me

Ask me anything. Tell me stories. Make me think. http://formspring.me/Botexty

Call the wahmbulance

I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit heartbroken right now.

Yesterday, Mum, S'Dad and I went to the RSPCA to pick up a cat for mum as they're running the SAVE program where, instead of paying $60 for the Adoption Kit and then $160-190 to buy the cat/kitten, you only pay for the Adoption Kit.


Mum's now all new baby gushy because she has a new 9 month old kitty and I'm all wahhhh because I'm not allowed to have pets other then fish or birds in my apartment. Birds freak me out, and you can't hug fish, so that's fucking useless. If I hadn't already asked the real estate agent, I would have just gotten one and played dumb if they ever found out (my lease doesn't say they're not allowed, just that you have to request permission beforehand), but now that I've asked they might be looking out for one when they do inspections. Stupid me.


Not helping the matter is that - I swear to god - one of the cats called me mama while we were in the cages. He was an older cat which is what I wanted, and his name was Mister which is totally my kind of cat name. It was very distinctly mama too, not a mew. Okay, it might have been a twisted mew, but really, sign much? I would totally go into debt for a cat that I believed was calling me mama.


So, now I'm heartbroken and mopey. I knew I was going to be jealous, I wasn't expecting to be actually teary-up upset over it. Such a sap.


So it looks like I'll just have to get pregnant. Or get a boyfriend. Or move to somewhere I can have a cat. I actually think the pregnant part might be the easier option, considering I have zero interest in moving to a house and I'm not interested in the dudes interested in me (and vice versa).


I was semi-joking with mum that I'll show 'em by getting piranhas but the more I read about them, the less interested I am. They would be cool to say "oh yeah, I have pet piranhas, no biggie" but the actual owning of them seems pretty unexciting. They don't do anything when people are watching and they eat live animals more then dead meat, which would freak me out having to handle I think.

I've come to a sort of conclusion. Its not earth-shattering or revolutionary, but here it is:

I don't know how to blog.

This may not seem to make sense - you're claiming to not know how to blog, while blogging? - but it is very true.

I can diarise -  telling you all about the shit I've been up to lately which no one but those involved would really care about, usually in dot point or blunt sentence form.

I can bitch - boy, can I bitch. Apologies to anyone who follows me on Twitter, I have been a massive pile of passive-agressive rage this week, and you've all see the fireworks.

I can share information - oh hey, click on this link. I run this, and 10 people follow it.

But that's not really blogging, is it? That's not what people want to read. People want something entertaining, insightful but real, and if I'm honest, that's what I'd like to do. But I can't. To do that, I'd need to tell you I feel something, or think about something, and in doing that, I reveal myself and if there is one thing a fat person is afraid of, it's being caught exposing themselves.

I also seem very unable to reach a conclusion. I get distracted by the details, or I get distracted by something happening around me in the real world, and I just abort the conversation.

Hm, conversations. I've always said that if someone asks me a question, I'll answer it honestly. This is true, and its something I stick by. But to just sit here in my lounge room and assume someone in the world gives one iota of a shit about what I have to say/think/feel/share unprovoked? Undoable.

So, if you ever have a question, whether it is relevant to anything I'm posting about, something you know about me in the general context, something you've just been thinking about and would like to have a dialogue with someone, anyone over, to work through the pieces for yourself - fire away.

No one will. But you can try. Anon options bring out the people. In the mean time, I'm going to try to be more real. Or at least more interesting and focused with my blogging.

I'm actually becoming quite concerned that I may have a Dorito addiction.

Also, I just got done reading Jane Austen porn, so I have that going for me too.

Why do I live here again?

In the two years I've lived here.


Insects I have discovered in my bathroom as I'm nekkid, just about to step into the shower:

• Little huntsman.
• Giant huntsman.
• Not-as-giant huntsman.
• Those little buzzy black water bug things x a million, at least.
• A grasshopper (how the fuck does a grasshopper end up in a second story apartment?).

Amount of other unwanted things, alive and otherwise:

• Dust storm.
• Big-arse bee.
• Senor Social Mousy.
• Senor Speed Mousy.
• Southern Cross spider x2 in driveway.
• Wasp nest next to neighbour's door (that he for some reason can't be bothered to report, just complains about the wasps?).
• Blowfly.
• Cockroaches. Everywhere.
• Leaky bedroom roof.
• Beeping smoke detector in stairwell.
• Very loud Mariah Cary fan for a downstairs neighbour. Who likes to sing along. Poorly.
• Neighbour who thinks the most suitable time to listen to techno or the same song on repeat is 11pm-2am Sunday to Wednesday nights. Cranked to 11, of course.
• Down-the-streeters who seem to need the cops to visit once a month.

There's also the primary school kid in the unit block across the road who's learning the violin, but he's not so unwanted. He plays pieces from Pride and Prejudice as I'm watching the movie and he's fucking rocking that thing, if I knew which one he was I'd high-five him.


I suppose the old dudes who live directly across the road from me who sit on their balcony so they can watch me walking around in the nudd are a bit unwanted. I guess. Ha ha. My theory is it's not flashing if no one's looking, and I'm in my house and no one said I must have curtains. Plus, they are looking at me. If they choose to watch a fat chick slouching around or cooking, that's their deal.


Oh, most unwanted thing of all? The effing crows at the train station every morning. There's only three or so of them, but they are massive, and birds tend to freak me out anyways. You've seen The Birds, right? The scene where she's in the phone booth and the birds are using their beaks like spears? My. Fucking. Nightmare. I know it's completely unrealistic, they're more likely to try to rip my hair out or go for my eyes if they were in a gougey mood, but still. Did you know crows can hold a grudge, too? Fuck. There's a reason they're called a murder. They are kinda majestic looking thought, these ones are super glossy and proud looking. They tend to fly around the concorse on my side of the station, lucky us. The other day, one was flying right at me and I was trying to not flinch like a knob-end but I did anyways. I always do with birds, regardless of species. It landed ages away from me on the outside of the bridge thing, at least 6 feet away from me. Still freaked me out.


You should see me with the seagulls at Circular Quay on my lunch break. Those ones will steal the food from in your mouth, no hesitations. I've seen it, the tourists just sit their dumbfounded when it happens. I'm a twitchy mess by the time I'm back at the office. Luckily, they have a preference for Maccas, which I never ate even when I was a meateater, so they've left me alone but they still flock at you.



There is no stopping myself from feeling this

And I think it's coming through the air, it torments me.

I try to move that dial and change this frequency

Everywhere that I go misery will follow

It won't let me go, it won't let go.

I keep fading into you, drowning in your darkest blue

Lostprophets - Darkest Blue

Sunday, 2:18pm

I hate waiting for laundry to be done. I know that all I have to do is split into a pile of black and anything else, put it in the machine, wait 45 minutes, then put it out to dry, but laundry annoys me. I think its because 45 minutes is not long enough to do anything, but anything you do do means you're likely to forget that you were actually only doing it to fill in time while you waited for something else.


Or maybe I'm just dumb and get distracted easily. The truth is I hate that my block has a shed out the back with all our machines in it, so I have to actually make myself fit for public viewing to do fucking laundry. I have to shower to put my laundry on. Next place I live in, I'd like to have an internal laundry.


Polymorph still haven't called about my dermal jewellry which I was told a month ago was in transit. Doesn't bother me though, it's been so hot they would have been annoyed all the time due to the constant layer of sweat covering myself and everyone else in the hemisphere.


I read my horoscope forecasts for the month and year last night. In February, Virgos are going to be overspending or cutting it fine, which I've already stumbled into when I realised buying tickets to Soap actually maxed my credit. Oops. Overall 2011 is a year of growth and more romantic atmospheres then you can throw a Colin Firth dvd at. That would explain my sudden pre-occupation with not wanting to be single anymore. That, and it's been like three years, independence has been firmly re-established and post-relationship analytics have been completed, next please.


There were five bras in my laundry. FIVE. How does that happen, it was only two weeks worth of washing?! (Don't look at me like that, every girl I know only changes her bra once a week.)


Anyways, back to my forecasts, it also mentioned that matrimonial and maternal stuff could be brewing, which is a bit oh-ohh. My mum was 24 when she started popping out babies and got married and divorced (in that order), and they say that we all end up as clones of our parents, but that wasn't the most ideal situation, so maybe I'm better off keeping my ute away from males for a few years. I'm totally into babies at the moment too, my friend has a 3-month old girl and she is the most perfect temperament, it's setting up some pretty high expectations. I'm like 70 per cent decided that I want to adopt, not birth too.


The weather has done a complete 360 and I can't remember what I was going to type about. Oh well.

Too.Hot.To.Sleep.

If I have to hear one more thing about Valentines Day, I'm going to crack and propose to the first person who so much as smiles politely at me.

Monday, 6:46pm

I'm going to force myself to write this, even though its currently too hot to function and all I want to do is sit in front of the fan and stare into space. At least it's not so humid today, gotta be thankful for that.


What have I done these last few dayss? Well I'll tell you, it's been a cherry poppin' weekend, for sure. I told Leah that if she pops 10 of my cherries she gets a prize, and she's already up to five including some previous weeks' outings. Evidently, I don't do enough stuff.


Friday arvo I ran off from work early as it was Tafe enrollments, so I've officially committed myself to another year of Marketing study in order to get the Diploma certificate. Work will pay for it again, Monday and Wednesday nights for the first semester, and unfortunately the dickhead from last year will still be in my class for the first half of the year. Oh well, here's hoping he ignores me.


Friday night was double whammy cherry poppin' action as I went to my first Vegaroo meet up and also the first time I think I've actually been anywhere in Erskineville. Apparently my regular weekly ticket is even valid there, who knew! So Vegaroo is technically for vegans, but they said veg and non-veg are also invited, so I figured why not, got no where else to be and I can meet a bunch of people I'd otherwise not meet. I even helped out on the door, collecting the donations for the Manly Penguins and helping with nametags and stuff, so I met every single person in the room pretty much. I also got to witness multiple occurrences of the Running Man, the Nutbush and one I didn't know had a name, the Joker. Oh wait, there's another cherry pop!


One of the things I'm going to get more active in is trying to expand my group of friends, or even just social acquaintances, as I'm really getting over the fact that none of my friends go places where people I'd want to know go (sorry drunk clubber guys, you're not my thing) and they aren't prepared to go somewhere I'd want to go for a night. And you really get over turning up to shit alone, I tell you that.


So yeah, helped out at Vegaroo, and actually knew some people as Kelsey, Brad and Andrew were there too, who I've met at the two previous IAM meet ups, so that was awesome.


Saturrrrrrrdaaaaay Leah, Tegan and and I went cruising around because Leah's just gotten her Ps so wants to drive omgeverywhere so we went to Maroubra Beach because I'd said I'd never been before, where we got sun-burnt and scored a ton of freebies from three Herbal Essences girls who were pushing around a trolly trying to fob stuff off as quickly as possible. I ended up with about 14 samplers of shampoo/conditioner, and seven mini-cans of Venus shaving cream, so I have no excuse to be hairy and damaged. After that we went to Coogee for lunch, again because I haven't been before, and spent so long looking in bookstore that was closing down that we had to chuck more money on the meter.


That night, dinner with the father's side of the family, where dad booked a table at Thai-Riffic then dropped us off at Thai Splender. Um... Yeah. My dad's good like that.


Sunday was pretty dull, didn't do anything until the nightime were I went to see Soap at the Opera House with some of the girls. If you get the chance to see this, just do it, even if it's just to see dudes without their shirts on and girls who can do this:



It was funny, entertaining and yes, there's ab-ed up dudes without their shirts on.


I'm gonna burn my skin
I'm gonna cut my hair
I'm gonna grab a bit of me and stick it over there
I'm gonna take my meal of two white pills
Cause I'm gonna look like you, yes I will
Gonna sell right out to the great white dream 
Cause I too want to be a beauty queen
I'm just a teenage girl sitting in my room with the bullet for a mirror looking for a broom Cause I'd do anything in this world to look like you

John Butler Trio 'To Look like You'

("A broom"? I originally thought it was "headroom", which makes much more sense to me!)

Sunday, 3:01pm

In the space of a week I've had all three of my chest microdermals have charms on them, and had one removed because it was rejecting. So now I'm all lopsided until it heals over and we have have an other stab at it. I've not had a piercing reject before, it was quite interesting to see the entire baseplate through my skin. Unwanted, but interesting.


Work is work. Clients are frustrating.


I'm a bit stoked on my garden furniture I got from my mum for Christmas. Its just a little table and two chairs for on my balcony, but its so nice to be able to sit out on the balcony instead of inside in this fucking humidity. I'm not an outdoorsy person, but I like being able to see the world and being out in the air, if that makes any sense. It doesn't.


On the plane back from Auckland, the dude sitting next to me was lovely, but I'm a dunce and didn't get his name or give him my number, though I think he would have liked me to. We chatted for the entire flight and that's pretty impressive for me with new people. I get quite shy and I don't ignore people as such, but I'm so worried about saying something that I just don't say anything at all. So instead I just cockblocked myself and ran away even though I liked him. So I've been torturing myself with that for the last few weeks. Cos I'm an idiot.


So yeah, if you run into a dude who's just moved to Albury from New Zealand to do contract work with Holden V8 Supercars, give me a holla. Haha. Fuck.


I told you to let the good ones in

You're worth your weight in gold

Birds Of Tokyo - In The Veins Of Death Valley

Sunday, 1:51pm

She fucking will too, and they'll be amazing and laced all over with love.


This is spawned off of this conversation

Thursday, 10:46pm

Isn't always the way, that you find a job ad for something that sounds just about perfect and it's in the wrong country?

Always the way.


Tho the salary leaves something to be desired too lol

So I figured, since ModBlog News can't post every single article I find on the internet, because it's not EliseHasGreatHuntingSkillsBlog, I'd make my own news Tumblr.

It is mainly all just Australian and New Zealand news, from 2011, and has been running for about 24 hours. It's already got 45 posts on it. Have I mentioned I have great hunting skills?

Enjoy.

Wednesday, 9:49pm

Argh.


Heavy, unimpressed chest. On the plus side, whatever the bubble was on top of the left one was, it's draining now. Hopefully it'll chuck it's little hissy and the thing will deflate down.


This morning was weird.


I lost and found my punch jewelry but not the O ring. It was by the bathtub. So now the jewelry is in backwards so it doesn't fall out. I reken it'll stay in for awhile, I'll pick up another one when I go in for the rest of the dermals.


While I was in the shower, I heard a tink near by. Pop my head out and there is a unfamiliar plastic object sitting on my bathmat in front of the vent in the bathtub I'm currently standing in. No effing idea where it came from, or how it got there. I live alone, so no one came in or anything, there is nothing near by like a tabletop or something it could have fallen from, I have no pets to drop it, so I'm reckoning I have a mouse or something scuttling around redecorating. Fab. You. Loss. It probably got real comfy in those two weeks the house was empty - unless it has been in my neighbour's unit as he only got back last night. Whatever, invaders ain't cool.


Due to all this, I'm running late to leave the house, which I assumed meant I missed my train. Nope, it was 10 minutes late because some random coal train decided to come this morning. Good, because I wasn't late for work, but weird the a coal train chose peak hour to mosey on through.


Then I get to work, and as I'm getting in the lift, Em catches up and jumps in too holding her hip, and as soon as the door close bursts into tears. Ladies, if your ovaries are trying to kill you, call in sick. Seriously.


Since Em was out, I had to man the in-bound telemarketing line, which goes a bit nuts and is very annoying. You know what's even more annoying? When you get all those calls through but can't actually hear the person on the other end. They're all just dead air, and you know there's someone there because they call back two more times in the next few minutes.


Then I spent the next 6.5 hours updating our marketing database using Google and LinkedIn :) I actually enjoy doing this, feeds my Virgoness by making me feel really useful and like I'm not sitting on my arse all day with nothing to do until our clients come back from holidays.


All we care about is pornographic girls on film and body plastic
Give me something I wanna see, television - and hot blonds in odd positions.
'The Fame' - Lady Gaga

Tuesday, 10:21pm

I DID IT! I got the necklace charms onto the slave rings on my dermals!


I've been putting it off out of fear I wouldn't be able to get the rings back on (I've never been any good because I don't tend to change jewellry from the original pieces so I've never gotten much practice) and also because they went a bit iffy after having the rings added, which I assume was adjusting to the weight change. It took me a while, but I got them all off and back on again without much damage. They leaked a clear liquid (plasma? the same stuff that comes out with cuts) and bled an incy-wincy little bit but other then that, all good. Now I'm just chilling them with some ice as they are very red and swollen.


I really have to remind myself when I'm changing jewellry to breathe and slow down, because the more it doesn't work, the more rash I get and the less likely I am to succeed. I think a lot of people have this problem.


I also spoke to Rob today - my other three dermals should be in his hot little hands tomorrowwwwwwwww! SO I'll be able to get them put in later in the week! Which is good, cos I was going to tell him to just can the idea if the suppliers still didn't have them in yet(they've been on back order since mid-November or similar). YAY.


I also picked up a copy of Modern Primitives from Polymorph when I went in. They've started selling books, which is handy, and I promised myself I wouldn't buy it if it was any more then $70 (the best I've seen only was anywhere between $95 and $150 depending on convergence and I've been looking for months). They had it for $65. Woo!


Currently reading - 'Never Enough: The story of The Cure'